Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
