I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
