remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
