what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
