i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
