She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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