Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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