Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
