If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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