I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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