The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
