It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
