i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
