So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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