I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
