11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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