I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
