Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
