I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we're making bets on your personal life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
