The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
