the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why do cheetos always look like penises
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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