I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
