he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
