I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
