Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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