She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
