where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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