My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
