Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
