Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
