Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
