you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I met the friendliest cop last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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