I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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