i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
