my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
