its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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