Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
