my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
