he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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