Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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