bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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