God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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