sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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