I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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