just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this boner is exhausting
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
