When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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