i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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