I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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