capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
