That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
