No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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