party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
