brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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