he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
