Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
